Dean Piper’s World

Andrew Lloyd Webber celebrated turning 60 this March with a fabulous birthday party for friends and family at his home in Deia, Majorca. But now the theatrical legend is being treated to a full blown celebration concert hosted by John Barrowman in Hyde Park on Sunday 14th September.

John will introduce music from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s best-loved shows including Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor® Dreamcoat, Jesus Christ Superstar, Evita, Cats, Starlight Express, The Phantom Of The Opera, Aspects Of Love and Sunset Boulevard.

The 70-piece BBC Concert Orchestra is leading the festivities with performances from Steve Balsamo, Duncan James, Lee Mead, Idina Menzel (Wicked), Elaine Paige, Rhydian (X-Factor), Joss Stone, Julian Lloyd Webber, Hayley Westenra, stars of BBC One’s I’d Do Anything and the 100-voice Crouch End Festival Chorus.

The evening’s repertoire includes Jesus Christ Superstar, I Don’t Know How To Love Him, Another Suitcase, Don’t Cry For Me Argentina, Memory, Pie Jesu, Music of the Night, All I Ask Of You, Love Changes Everything, No Matter What, As If We Never Said Goodbye and Any Dream Will Do.

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Birthday in the Park takes place on Sunday 14th September in Hyde Park. Book online at bbc.co.uk/radio2 or phone 0844 412 4638*

*Calls from BT landlines charged at local rate; other networks and mobiles may be higher. £2 transaction fee applies.

Here, in a retrospective chat about his career, Andrew talks about his biggest regrets, working with Madonna and what he likes for breakfast!

A source tells me over the weekend that Riches star Minnie Driver gave birth to her first child before the weekend in Los Angeles. They wouldn’t reveal the sex but said she was: “Happy and over the moon”

Apparently Minnie will show off her first born in a photo shoot for Hello magazine within the coming weeks…..

The Good Will Hunting star still hasn’t confirmed who the baby daddy is and said recently she has no plans too!

Congratulations Minnie!

Sometimes my life can be a little crazy with late nights and long journeys home! So this week I was lucky enough to have the opportunity of a night of luxury at London’s excusive Mayfair Hotel after I’d been off to party at the GQ Men of the Year awards!

And as soon as I walked into the lobby I understood exactly why the likes of Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding and her bosom buddy Lady Victoria Hervey stay there regularly.

My room, a duplex suite on the seventh floor, was the ultimate party pad with all the luxury you would expect from a top-notch five star hotel. The best thing about the Mayfair is the fact it’s so nifty when it comes to artwork and one off pieces. Most of the rooms are individually styled and my suite – the Bamboo Suite – was full of Oriental influenced objects.

Other than comfy Japanese low beds the room also featured flat screen TV’s throughout, an extremely comfortable sofa and a bathroom to die for. Black marble tiling paved the way for an amazing walk in shower. It could have fit five people in it – no joke. When you turned the water on it was like rain fell from the ceiling. All different pressures of water dropped down making you feel like an extra in that kissing scene in Four Weddings And A Funeral with Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell.

Another great selling point about the hotel is it’s just a stones throw away from Nobu Berkeley. The venue that actually makes the best Lychee Martini in London! Pure bliss. Check out some of the rooms and information about the hotel by logging onto http://www.radissonedwardian.com/londonuk_mayfair or clicking here!

Just check out the hotel’s Shiaparelli Suite – too pimp for it’s own good in my eyes.

Last night I managed to squeeze in a few drinks at Living TV’s 15th Anniversary bash held in Covent Garden’s Piazza. Stars including Kelly Brook, Lisa Snowdon, Tara Palmer Tomkinson, Brendan Cole and model girlfriend Zoe Hobbs and Yvette Fielding piled into the swish bash to celebrate the success of the channel and watch a few extra special performances.

TPT was looking smokin’ hot…..

Check out Brendan and his Strictly partner for this year’s show, Lisa Snowdon….I can’t believe she’s 36!

The first performer of the evening was 90s girl band Cleopatra (Comin’ Atcha). The three girls are about the appear on the channel’s new programme Pop Goes The Band that will reunite dispersed bands and attempt to get them back to their former glory looks and talent wise. Some of the them are going for drastic surgery – and some are just having great makeovers. The last time I remember seeing Cleopatra was when they supported the Spice Girls at Wembley Stadium in 1998!

Sadly the girls from Cleopatra – who can actually really sing – have yet to be resigned to a label but are battling there way into the public arena once more to try and make a big comeback. They seem like genuinely nice girls and are polite and cool. They dress a little differently to the old days - when they had braids, dungarees and crop tops! Right now it’s a bit more of a trashy look – but they are all Beyonce’d up to the max. Good luck to them!

The second performer was Bucks Fizz – including three of the original members. I loved dancing along to the hits Land of Make Believe and Eurovision song Making Your Mind Up. It was camp kitsch classic material. The only slightly amusing thing was Cheryl Baker (of Record Breakers) because she looked like she was a mother to one of the other group members. Bless her. She’s a lovely lady – but was styled like housewife that had come straight from a funeral in all black.

Oh, and guess what star at the bash told me this! They said: “Oh my God Dean, have you seen Madonna’s bloody face? What has she done?” I shall keep this a secret - but it made my night!

Lisa Snowdon was on fine form and loving every minute of training for the first show of Strictly Come Dancing. “I love the fact I’m working out so much and I’ve been able to give up the gym,” she said. And Brendan Cole sounded totally optimistic about their chances of getting to the final of the show. He said: “Lisa’s the best partner I’ve had on this show. She’s committed to winning and trying her best. I’m overwhelmed by her passion for dance.”

I’m definitely on ‘Team Snowdon’ and ‘Team Kidd’ as far as Strictly is concerned……

Living TV has a tonne of other brand new shows in the pipeline to be screening over the coming months. Including Living with Boy George, Living with Jade Goody and Living with Karl and Yvette Fielding - not to mention Lipstick Jungle, Dirty Dancing: The Time Of Your Life and brand new Most Haunted and Grey’s Anatomy.

I left the party and headed home for an early one after a couple of wild nights. The summer dullness seems like it’s officially over people! Woo hoo!

Keira Knightley stepped out onto the red carpet for the premiere of The Duchess last night. I’m gonna stick my neck out here and say I thought she looked great on the carpet.
I’m actually bored of talking about Keira’s frame – I think she’s just built like that. Her top half is tiny (and always has been) and her rump has always been healthy.
She was far from stick thin like a couple of years ago at the Pirates premiere when she wore this gold Gucci number.

In the flick the actress stars as Georgiana Spencer, the Duchess of Devonshire. The Duchess of Devonshire was Diana Princess of Wales’s great-great-great-great aunt and publicity for the movie has controversially linked their stories.

But Keira just seemed happy to be there at the premiere. She told me she loved every minute of the dressing up – despite how long it will be. Keira said: “It was fascinating to see how people used to live during the time Georgiana was around. I loved playing a fashion icon even though it took two hours to get into each dress.”

Keira, who hails from Teddington in south west London, also revealed her top beauty tip. She beamed: “My beauty tip would be Vaseline - I carry it around all the time. I only
take one hour to get ready.”

But clearly a love scene with Mamma Mia star Dominic Cooper in the film wasn’t turn on for her. She giggled: “Gross nude knickers are really strange during a sex scene. It’s supposed to be really seductive but it’s not.”

Dom laughed minutes later: “I wish Keira would stop going on about the big pants I had to wear in the film!”

The Duchess, which also stars Ralph Fiennes, has had good reviews hits cinemas from Friday!

The GQ Men of the Year awards is always an excuse to get my gladrags on and party with the A-Listers. So I popped down to the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden after the awards for the after party.

Even though the ceremony was yet to finish I immediately bumped into Steve Coogan, Tom Chaplin from Keane and Jodie Harsh standing outside puffing on fags after growing tired inside.

In fact the smoking area seemed to be the area that all the stars flocked to throughout the evening. I spotted radio DJ Nick Grimshaw and Will Young engrossed in conversation puffing away in a corner. They seemed slightly enamoured with each other.

Jerry Hall, Jo Wood and Tracey Emin seemed to spend much of the evening running back and forth from the smoking area to the downstairs dining area. They are all uber glamorous in my eyes. Jerry seems to have aged quite a bit lately and although she’s still a proper icon she seemed a little more “old lady”. The glam long model hair of yester year is long gone…..

The person everyone was talking about was part time singer Lily Allen. She was pretty wasted. Actually, she was fill blown wrecked and should have been carted out of there the minute the awards finished. I went to say hi and she barked: “Fuck yourself.” I replied: “Charming, just charming.” Another pal of mine accidentally stepped on her Dolce and Gabbana gown and she literally yelled: “Get off my fucking dress.” I actually don’t fully understand why she was hosting the event with Sir Elton John at all. She’s not been releasing new material of late and has purely been known for the past few months for her fast paced love life and her out of control lifestyle. Out of control she was – and severely wild eyed! And it’s even more annoying because in the past she’s been a dream to natter to.

Lily also managed to ruin the night for her brother Alfie and his girlfriend Jaime Winstone by announcing the pair’s engagement live on stage as she invited her to the stage to present an award. It was being kept a secret until a drunken Lily let it slip.
I saw Jaime pacing around the balcony area snapping at Alfie saying: “Where’s Lil?”

But it was Lily’s verbal bitching contest with co-host Sir Elton John that had everybody talking. When she introduced Countdown legend Carol Vorderman to the stage with a verbal tirade, saying the F word five times in the same sentence, Elt decided enough was enough.
Lily made an announcement saying: “…and now the most important part of the night” Elton snapped “What? Are you going to have another drink?”
She immediately fired back: “F*** off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!” The shocked audience fell silent. A clearly rattled Elton replied: “I could still snort you under the table.” To which she replied: “F*** off. I don’t know what you are talking about.”

I also managed to catch up with two of my favourite female celebrities too – Denise Van Outen and Tess Daly. Denise was gushing about boyfriend Lee Mead and even showed me her phone screen saver and it was a mushy picture of the Joseph star. Bless! Tess was gushing non stop about her hubby Vernon Kay and she looked seriously sexy in her sparkly number. Tess is genuinely one of the showbiz world’s nicest people – and she’s so over excited about this years Strictly Come Dancing series. “It’s going to be the best yet,” she said.

I shared a wonderful glass or two of Laurent Perrier champagne with Jodie Harsh – who was sporting a pin in his hair saying ‘Harsh’. It was so like Amy Winehouse’s ‘Blake’ badge! Hilariously Jodie struggled to keep his huge wig on with the blustery wind on the balcony of the Opera House. At one point he literally grabbed hold of it in case it flew off. That would have been seriously funny!

Anyway – the winners were…..and the presenters are in brackets!

Outstanding Achievement
Led Zeppelin (Dave Grohl)

Inspiration
Tony Bennett (Elton John)

Lifetime Achievement Award
David Bailey (Jerry Hall)

Alfred Dunhill Maverick Award
Mark Ronson (Ricky Wilson)

Politician of the Year
Boris Johnson (Trinny & Susannah)

International Man of the Year
Josh Brolin (Thandie Newton)

Blackberry Entrepreneur of the Year
Gordon Ramsay (Elizabeth Hurley)

Band of the Year
Primal Scream (Elle Macpherson)

Radio Personality of the Year
Chris Evans (Will Young)

Chef of the Year
Mark Hix (Saffron Aldridge)

Most Stylish Man of the Year
Brandon Flowers (David Furnish)

Newspaper Editor of the Year
Peter Wright (Piers Morgan by video)

Breakthrough Talent
James Corden (Ruth Jones)

Woman of the Year
Sam Taylor Wood (Daniel Craig by video)

TV Personality of the Year
James Nesbitt (Tracey Emin)

Fashion Designer
Christopher Bailey (Orlando Bloom)

Author of the Year
Joseph O’Neill (Carol Vorderman)

Actor of the Year
Steve Coogan (Rob Brydon)

Comedians of the Year
Mighty Boosh (Jaime Winstone)

Visionary
Sir Peter Blake (Dylan Jones)

Sportsman of the Year
Jo Calzaghe (video acceptance)

Editor’s Special Award
Rio Ferdinand (video acceptance)

Pics: GQ Magazine, Dolce and Gabbana and Alan Davidson Picture Library 

Shock horror people, Guy Ritchie’s latest film RocknRolla looks all set NOT to be a turkey. Good for him. I went down to the film premiere for Mr Madonna’s latest gangster flick last night and caught up with the stars on the red carpet. All the principal cast members were there including Gerard Butler (below with me oozing sophistication), Idris Elba, Mark Strong, Toby Kebbell, Tom Wilkinson, Thandie Newton and Tom Hardy.

But as per usual it was all about Madonna arrival at Guy’s latest film. The Queen of Pop didn’t actually show up right up until the last minute keeping the crowds waiting. Everyone was practically seated inside the cinema when Madge walked the carpet. She stopped to sign a couple of autographs too which was kinda cool…..

Now, I hate to say it as a monstrous Madonna fan, but I’m disappointed with her surgical procedures of late. She looks like some kind of obscure cat in real life. It’s incredibly frustrating to see that she’s had to go to such extreme facial surgery to combat signs of ageing. I always thought she’d be clever about getting a touch up and never go too far. But there’s nowt clever about whatever she’s had done. It’s so obvious and she’s massively uber feline nowadays. And before a barrage of Madonna fans start to pick up rocks to throw at me, I’ve been a huge Madonna fan for years - still am and always will be. But if we are all honest then it’s clear she’s had a little suttin’ suttin’ done there.

It was a thrill to meet Sting and Trudie Styler’s daughter Coco Sumner last night. She seems kinda cool – although possibly a little ‘chilled’ for my liking. She said she happy to be having a positive reaction to her music (she’s just signed to Island records). Asked if she had given any advice to her teen daughter Trudie said: “Me give advice to a musician? No, I don’t think so.”
I asked her if she’d been inspired by any Madonna songs and she said: “Erm, yeh, I guess so. Erm, I quite like Holiday. That’s a good one.” We got there in the end…..

Guy seemed on chirpy form though – and talked about how it’s easier for him when the critics and fans like his films! After years of turkeys like Swept Away and Revolver he seems to think the tide has turned. So far the flick has got great reviews – four-star rating pretty much across the board. He chuckled: “It’s going to make my life a lot easier that people are saying nice things about the film. It hurts a little bit when it’s the other way around. Of course it does. It’s easier when it’s like this. I really think there’s a fair lambasting and there is such a thing when it becomes fairly monstrous. It obviously makes my life much easier when things are like this. I like the fact people are saying I’ve found my mojo again.”
He also spoke about his plans for his 40th birthday celebrations next week. He said: “I will go fairly large – but not too bad. As the Missus is playing the next day. I haven’t been able to see her that much – it’s hard being away. But I’m doing my best I can.”

The film’s lead, cheeky Gerard Butler told me he’s got a crush on Monica Bellucci right now. He said: “It changes from day to day. But because I’m all pent up I’d say its Monica Bellucci. I like everything about her.” The boy likes his curves!

Other stars on the carpet included last years X-Factor winner Leon Jackson who told me he can’t wait for his debut album to finally be out in the public domain. The Scot said: “The album is going to be out finally on October 20th. I’m so excited about that obviously and I’ve been behind the scenes working on this album for a long time now. There’s so much speculation and stuff too – so I’m happy to finally get it out there in the public arena.

“I’m just really glad that the record label have given me time to develop as an artist and get it right. I didn’t want to rush. They did it with Leona’s album and she did absolutely amazing. I don’t feel the pressure. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed and I know that I’ve put 110 per cent in to this.”

He also spoke about the how he thinks Cheryl Cole is doing on the show as the new judge! He said: “I think Cheryl’s doing absolutely amazing. And I love the fact she’s putting Simon in his place. I think it’s great to have another eye-catching female on the panel in a dress. Both Dannii and her are both great!”

There was also a fairly tense moment when Sara Macdonald, who currently dates Oasis frontman Noel Gallagher, trotted down the red carpet just minutes after Noel’s ex Meg Matthews had arrived. The pair seemed to go to great lengths to stay out of each other’s way and I spied Sara (who’s absolutely lovely) pacing around the reception saying she “needed a drink”. I’m not surprised.

RocknRolla will hit UK cinemas this Friday,  September 5th!

Pic: Courtesy of Alan Davidson

Today I went down to Café De Paris to meet the new contestants of the sixth series of Strictly Come Dancing. And the show looks set to be awesome with a whopping 16 couple’s (made up of celebs and professional dancers) entering the BBC contest that finishes just before Christmas.

Once again we’ll have Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly hosting the show. Bruce and Tess were there this morning too - to introduce the stars! Bruce also said rumours that he’ll quit after this series are not true. “People have been saying I’ll quit after one more year since I did the second series,” he said.

For the women we have One Show host Christine Bleakley, model and TV gal Jodie Kidd, actress Cherie Lunghi, M-People singer Heather Small, telly presenter Lisa Snowdon, singer Rachel Stevens, actress Gillian Taylforth and former EastEnder Jessie Wallace.

And for the boys (which is kinda weak this year me thinks) we have GMTV’s Andrew Castle, actor Tom Chambers, former EastEnder Phil Daniels, swimmer Mark Foster, rugby player Austin Healey, chef Gary Rhodes, broadcaster John Sergeant and actor Don Warrington.

Jessie Wallace told me she’s excited to be performing and that she’s told her toddler Tallulah all about what mummy’s getting up to. She beamed: “My little girl is at that age now where she understands it and is very excited about mummy being on Strictly. I showed Tallulah a DVD of last year’s show so she knows what I’m doing - I can’t wait to see her face when I get up there.”

She also seemed thrilled at the thought of wearing some sparkly dresses! “It’s a great excuse to wear some amazing dresses too,” she added. “I have two quite skimpy ones – but I guess everyone’s in the same boat so I’m not worried about flashing flesh. I can’t wait to do the salsa and the rumba but I’m scared of the foxtrot and the quick step. The dancers are so graceful – and I’m not, yet. It’s a great way to stay fit and healthy and I’m looking forward to losing some weight.”

Rugby star Austin Healy pitched in at that point and said he’d already lost a stone and a half in weight since starting his training. Jessie looked down at her belly and burst into a fit of hysterics saying: “Ha ha. I’ve got a way to go yet! I haven’t lost anything yet. I can feel myself toning up though.”

Heather Small has a unique way of making things better if it all goes wrong – she says she’s going to take to the mic. She said: “If it all goes wrong on the dancefloor then I might just sing! I said no to the show initially because I get too nervous with anything – even when I sing. So I thought something like this may overcome my nerves. I am terrified by the entire experience. My friends and family were desperate for me to do it though so it’s all for them!”

Quadrophenia star Phil Daniels was the funniest contestant at the launch. The actor, who played Kevin Wicks in EastEnders, said: “I have no dancing experience – I know the Mash Potato and that’s about it. I’m so distraught about going up against celebs that can dance. But I think we really are all in the same boat!”
He also revealed last year’s contestant Matt Di Angelo has given him some top tips. Phil added: “Matt gave me lots of tips – he told me to, erm, glide. And not to take any notice of the judges. I must admit I’m excited by the lovely ladies on this show. I’m also looking forward to the sequins and lycra – if a jobs worth doing then you might as well do it right.”

GMTV star Andrew Castle told me he’d already lost “four or five” pounds in weight since he began training for the show. But he was quick to admit he hoped the curse of GMTV stars Fiona Phillips and Kate Garraway didn’t interrupt his chances in the competition. He laughed: “I’m trying not to think about the curse of Kate and Fiona! They tried very hard and they gave everything they had and really enjoyed it and loved every minute. I will hopefully be OK.”
When asked how Andrew was doing after four sessions of initial training his partner Ola Jordan said: “Erm, he’s doing, erm, OK.” So the curse may well still be intact!

One celeb that I actually adore right now is Lisa Snowdon. I’ve always got on with her since the old days when she was little more than a glamour model – but nowadays she’s an absolute star in my eyes. She’s joined Strictly and is partnered up with one-time player Brendan Cole (who’s happily settled with gorgeous model Zoe Hobbs nowadays) but Lisa has also just been announced as the full time co-host of Capital FM’s Breakfast Show with Johnny Vaughan. She told me: “I’m going to be up at 4.30 in the morning then I’ll be there until about 10am then off to train for three or four hours then sleep! It’s going to be exhausting. I have no time for love life but I’m happy being a spinster. Being on Strictly is like a dream. I’ve taken quite a lot on all at once but I’m going to be so toned and healthy by the end of the show!”

But it seems Brendan has high hopes for his partnership with Lisa this year. He said: “Lisa’s so driven and has been watching the show for years. She drives me so hard and I really want to do well this year. I see us in the semis and finals.” Lisa quickly added: “I don’t feel under pressure yet – but I will get panicky towards the start of the live shows.”

I wish her well!

Another pal of mine is supermodel turned telly star Jodie Kidd – the tall star is partnered with Iain Waite. Jodie said: “We are like the two giraffes! I’m 6ft 2inches and Iain’s 6ft 4inches and my inside leg is actually four inches linger than Ian. So I won’t be wearing heels any bigger than 2 and a little bit inches. I can’t wait for it to all start – I won’t be wearing skimpy outfits or short skirts. It will reveal too much on my legs – the longer the better!”

But Jodes sounds nervous if you ask me. She added: “I have absolutely no dance experience! I play golf, race cars and play polo. I was hoping I was going to try and excel in the dancing but it all went out the window when we started.”

But dance partner Iain seems more confident and said: “I’m pushing her hard and making things difficult – she absorbs the moves and learns quickly. Jodie’s so modest!”

The final person I spoke to who I’m pleased is on the show is former S Club star Rachel Stevens. She was looking petite and pretty this morning. She’ll look great all dressed up in the Strictly outfits! But it’s clear she’s nervy. She told me: “I feel very under pressure. Even though I’ve been out onstage and done shows and stuff, this time I’m there on my own and it’s my chance to prove myself. I’m not a trained dancer though. And I guess I have a lot to live up to coming from a pop background. Alesha Dixon and Emma Bunton did so well. We are all competitive but I’m taking each day as it comes!”

Rach’s also pleased that she’s got a new form of exercise. “It’s going to be great for shaping up and it’s a brilliant excuse not to have to go the gym until Christmas,” she said. “I’m glad about that. It’s physically very intense – but I haven’t lost any weight yet! I haven’t changed my diet that much – but it does give you an excuse to eat a little more. As long as it’s healthy.”

And it’s not the first reality style celebrity show that Rachel’s been offered. I’m A Celebrity have tried to bag her every year! She said: “I have been offered the jungle and other shows but I turned it down. Strictly’s a brilliant show and it’s brilliant to think we can train with professional dancers and learn a skill. I am absolutely petrified about the night before the live show - it’s a continual worry!”

Pics: BBC Publicity 

The most thrilling thing about going down to watch the first night of Madonna’s Sticky and Sweet Tour in Cardiff this weekend was the fact nobody had seen it.
Usually I see all the images, spoilers, clothes designs and set lists - but this time it was all new. Nothing had ruined this gig. Admittedly, I’d actually avoided most of the coverage beforehand on purpose in the run up to the opening of the tour.

And whereas the Drowned World tour was super dark and serious, the Reinvention tour was hits not necessarily done the way the crowd wanted to hear them and the Confessions tour was trying desperately hard to be cool – this tour was all about the Queen of Pop having fun. And she looked as if she was enjoying every moment up there on stage.
At 50 Madge is looking fitter and more super charged than ever before. Her backside still looks like it could crack a walnut, her legs have muscles like a horse and her arms would make any gym loving man take serious note if she lined up for a bench press.
On Sticky and Sweet the choreography is clearly more hip-hop inspired but it’s just as high tempo as any of her previous tours – even one’s 20 years ago.
The best thing about the gig was the fact that despite having so many of the new Hard Candy album on it – it still kept the 40,000 strong crowd roaring throughout.

It was only a few weeks ago that I watched Pop Princess Kylie Minogue perform tonnes of new album tracks and the Aussie was met with a pretty much static crowd. That’s exactly why Madonna is leagues above any other artist out there. She is all about live performance – not pushing out a pop record and then hitting the road in a tour that will just manage to keep people happy.

She talked to the crowd all night and hilariously at one point announced she was “at the part of the show where she’d like to take requests”. Somebody yelled Express Yourself so Madge started singing: “Don’t call for second best baby, put your love to the test!” And stopped telling the crowd to: “Fuck dat shit, I’m in charge.”
Classic Madonna humour. Always the control freak – and always giving us so much each and every time she goes on the road. This tour is my favourite for quite some time - I hope you all enjoy it.

My track-by-track review breakdown……(SPOILERS!)

Candy Shop
A classic Madge tour opening. Arriving legs akimbo on a thrown she means business from the start. She doesn’t sing a lot of vocals on this opener but it’s a powerful start with great build up graphics before. She chants: “My sugar is raw” repeatedly like her life depends on it!

Beat Goes On
Her vocals at the start of this sound amazing. And features the Madonna Pimp Car with the number plate saying “Madonna”. It’s a favourite track from hard Candy and the crowd loved it when Kanye West and appeared on the screen behind her.

Human Nature
Not the best version of the song but all about the cameo from Britney Spears in the video behind her. Britney’s seen trying to get out of a trapped lift and becomes increasingly pretty and visible throughout until the end when Madge sings “I’m Not Your Bitch” from the song and Britney appears large on the screen and says: “It’s Britney Bitch.”

Vogue
A brilliant rework of the classic song with all new dance troop choreography. It’s a brilliant new take and the crowd loved it. It includes a slight mash up with 4 Minutes and features a sample from Nelly and Timbaland’s Give It To Me.

Die Another Day Remix (interlude)
A zooped up version of the original song that plays whilst Madonna changes. Two dancers appear in boxing gear and they have a big old fight whilst a VT runs behind of Madonna from a photo shoot with Tom Munro. Her face looks seriously “worked on” at times as she pouts for the camera.

Into The Groove
Madonna skips onto stage and doesn’t fail to make a wrong move as she pole dances, skips some more and joins in a big group skip off! The performance is uplifting and Madonna looks about 20 years old skipping out! Seriously uplifting.

Heartbeat
Pretty much the same as the album version – and great vocals.

Borderline
The Queen of Reinvention completely reworks a classic. Thankfully the vocals are actually pretty much the same as the original which was great – and the fans lapped it up. She just adds a heavy rock guitar to it for the 2008 remix!

She’s Not Me
Four Madonna eras are displayed in corners at the end of the runway and Madonna prances around telling them all off. She’s having fun on this one and mocking her former disguises – and ends up literally dancing her butt off at the end with head banging etc!

Music
The Feede Le Grand mix the star delivered the techno version of Music. It also started out with a sample of Last Night A Deejay Saved My Life by Indeep. Not my favourite part of the show….

Video Interlude Rain remix
Another vid interlude while she changes – featuring a mash up of the Eurythmics Here Comes The Rain Again and her own song Rain. Pretty, but nowt to write home about.

Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You
Sitting on top of a piano wearing a Lord of the Rings style cloak complete with hood. It’s kinda creepy and features lots of lights rigged around her on the piano. She was originally going to play the piano. Guess she wanted to give those fingers a rest!

Spanish Lessons
Pretty much kept to the exact version on the album and featuring a brilliant ending with some actual Spanish tap dancing by a great guy….
Other than that I would take a loo/drink break now.

Miles Away
The same as the Promo tour at radio One’s Big Weekend. She’s strumming on her guitar again and singing well.

La Isla Bonita/Lela Pala Tute
This was pretty much the same as the Live Earth version she performed last summer. It was a worry for me having so much of the Gypsy influences – but it actually was a lovely poignant moment of the show.

You Must Love Me
One of her greatest ever ballads and taken from the hit movie Evita. This is where her voice shines in the show. The crowd fell immediately quiet and stayed like it until the end. Her vocals seem to be stronger the older she gets and this proves it….

Get Stupid Remix
The cause of all the controversy from this tour! It features clips from Voices, Give It 2 Me, Beat Goes On and 4 Minutes and film clips. She famously has decided to make a political statement approving of Obama – but has included John McCain in a section alongside Adolf Hitler. I assume she won’t be voting for him then in the US election!

4 Minutes
Madonna plays around with Justin Timberlake throughout like she did on the promo tour. He appears on the screens behind her. A monster of a song.

Like A Prayer
The GAY version of a classic track – it had everyone out of their seats and dancing and has exhausting rave style dance moves. Features a sample from 1992 dance hit by Felix “Don’t You Want Me”.

Ray Of Light
The rockier version of her classic hit. Great – but nothing to write home about.

Hung Up
Another rocky version of the dance hit – not half as enjoyable as the last time around on the Confessions tour. This is where I began getting sick of guitars…..

Give It 2 Me
A brilliant ending to an amazing tour night. Pharrell Williams is on the screen behind her dancing. She’s enjoying every minute and ends with getting the crowd to chant “Give it 2 Me”. There’s no encore – when she walks off she’s off.

Festivals and me have had a volatile relationship over the years. The way I see them is, some people are made for mud, plastic cups and toilets that look like they are carrying a million diseases. Some of us, including myself, are made for glassware, civilized outfits and a comfortable seat.

So I was persuaded by my good friend Charlotte (above) to venture down to this weekend’s V Festival in Chelmsford, Essex, and enjoy the music and try my hardest to get into the festival spirit.

Obviously my good friends at Borkowski PR sorted me out with super duper passes into the luxury Virgin Mobile Louder Lounge for the entire weekend so at least I had some semi relaxing salvation throughout the weekend. They had nice toilets (which obviously stank, but needless to say were leagues better than the toilets outside), celebs a plenty and free food and drinks!

Lisa Snowdon looked chic in a faux fur hippy style jacket and long flowy hair. She stood nattering during Sundays festivities with Holly Willoughby and hubby Dan Baldwin, former Damage star Jade Jones and Leigh Francis (who plays Keith Lemon). Holly told me she was thrilled to be at the festival and living it up in a Winnebago. “I’ve been doing a bit of work for the festival so I got a luxury Winnebago and it’s the first time in six years I haven’t had to slum it in a tent,” she beamed.

Sarah Harding and Nicola Roberts hung out in the lounge. I actually thought all these rumours about the Girls Aloud stars being stick thin must have been blown out of proportion but I was shocked at the sight of them. They are tiny. Sarah complained about being “so tired”. I just wish that girl (who I genuinely like) would enjoy her life a little more.

Coleen Rooney hired a chopper form Stanstead airport to zoom into the bash and seemed to enjoy the trip. Newspapers say she spent £200,000 getting into the festival and hiring a Winnebago for her and three girlfriends. The organizers would have wanted her there. She probably just paid for her car back to Liverpool! Coleen was beaming after her recent wedding to Wayne. She said: “It was an amazing day. I loved every minute.” I caught her on the Sunday evening just preparing to go up to Liverpool and she said: “We’re getting a car from here to Liverpool now. We’ll take booze with us.” I told her to enjoy her limo ride back and the clearly pissed up star said: “Erm, who gets a limo nowadays??”
I felt like such a dick. The wannabe Liver Bird made me feel well old!

I also managed to spot a number of other names including Alexa Chung and Nick Grimshaw, Jodie Kidd, Alfie Allen and Jaime Winstone, Leah and Jo Wood, Alan Carr, Steve Jones, Denise Van Outen, Christopher Parker, Jessie Wallace and Martine McCutcheon and musician boyfriend Jack McManus (below).

The celebs treated themselves to drinks from the Red Bull Cocktail Hut and the fabulous Ibiza Angels were on hand to give all the stars complimentary massages.

Hilariously Kelly Osbourne and boyfriend Luke Worrell were zoomed past me on a golf buggy and Kelly was yelling: “Hiiiiiii Dean!” That wasn’t embarrassing at all in front of about fifty other VIP guests - cheers Kel!

The real highlight for me was being given some exclusive cut off Wellies from up market brand Hunter. The company invited me backstage to get a pair of their lovely new Hunter Short Wellies and had two fantastic guys on hand to graffiti them with my column name ‘Mr Showbiz’ on one boot and with a portrait of me on the other side! How cool is that!
They were the talk of the festival…..
For more information on how to get your Hunter boots log onto www.hunter-boot.com and thanks to the fantastic Shuck One (www.myspace.com/thekoolskool) and Tizer One (www.myspace.com/tizerone).

Oh, and bands wise here’s my bullet point reviews of who I saw…..

*The Prodigy – Completely out of control and fantastic. Angela Griffin and hubby Jason were alongside me but ended up hitting the mosh pit. The band rocked - and were the highlight of the festival for many. I watched them sober too – and loved every second.

*Stereophonics – Kelly Jones and his band were my favourite rock performance. They are so reliable as a band and the crowd loved every minute.

*Duffy – sounds like she’s on helium and annoyed the hell out of the crowd with ridiculous chats in between. But great voice and loved watching her sing Warwick Avenue.

*Lenny Kravitz – Simply fantastic and did all the hits. Slightly annoying though that he over played so many songs – Lenny could have fit more tunes into the set!

*Hot Chip and Jamie T – Both were immense and had the entire tent jumping for joy!

I did make one rather, er, naïve comment at V Festival too. I said to my friend Charlotte: “I can’t believe those people are throwing their beers up in the air at the crowd like that.” Charlotte replied: “Sweetheart that’s not beer, its piss.”
I will never understand that – what adult in their right mind would gain satisfaction from peeing in a beer cup and throwing their own urine into a crowd of people. Morons. My friend Charlotte actually said those twats spoiled the set by the Kings of Leon (which was apparently amazing) when she ran down to the front. Such a shame.

For all the proper gossip from the Festival make sure you buy Closer next Tuesday and read my column Mr Showbiz!